i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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