Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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