i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize