We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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