He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
