But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
