She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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