So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize