Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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