I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize