"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
