im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
