Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
