We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
