Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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