Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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