just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
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