ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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