I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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