Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
