I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
