Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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