Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
