He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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