I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
