I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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