i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
