You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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