She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
