I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
