marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
