shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize