im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
