True but thats because hes a fetus.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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