i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize