Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm both gender and math confused
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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