Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
