Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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