Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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