theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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