everyone is single if you try hard enough
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize