me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
