Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
