Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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