The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
