You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
