Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
