thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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