One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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