I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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