Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
