I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
