Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
