party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
