Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
