My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
