woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize