so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
