I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
