I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
