see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Randomize
