the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
