just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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