1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
