dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
