this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
