He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
