I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
