just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
